Mads
I tap my pointer finger against the desk. thump thump thump. I check my watch. The younger hand ticks past nine and I realize I still have 7 and a half hours in this room. In this seat. I look up. Most of the other people in this driver’s improvement course are young and dumb like me. Driven by the “it’s not illegal until I get caught” mindset. Unfortunately, we are all alike in that we did end up getting caught. Lol. The course moderator (Calling her a teacher would be generous) drones on uselessly about driving improvement I presume (after a while her voice morphed into that of the instructor off of Charlie Brown). She talks more. Whom whomp wawamp wwamp. I turn over my phone on my lap to reveal a screen of notifications. Instagram, emails from instructors, messages from my friends, snapchats, instagram, twitter, tik tok, did I mention instagram? This cycle of checking the clock, my phone and half checking in on the class continues throughout the course of the hour. We watch a video. I don’t pay attention. My mind is off somewhere else. It always is. This feels like eternity. I am impatient.
I walk outside. Ah nature. Well as close to it as I can get. I’m on campus. Stepped out of Krug hall. It’s brisk. As I walk I notice everything. They added new benches that line the sidewalk. I walk some more. Two cute leaves on the ground in front of me. I look up. This time of year is always sad to me. The trees all dead and sublime. It looks dreadful. But I do enjoy the cloudy weather for staying in. I walk some more. There’s a lot of construction going on so it’s hard to enjoy the natural environment. There’s a lot of people walking in groups talking. I walk alone. I run into a robot. I’m on my way to my favorite place on campus which includes the grassy area to sit. A man behind me plays music off of the speaker. Isn’t that kind of lacking common decency? How much do I miss when I have my headphones in? I get to my favorite spot. No one sits here in the winter time. Everyone walks briskly to class. Why is that boy not wearing a jacket? I find myself counting the trees. Cigarette butts litter the area. i don’t count those. My mind goes a lot to my body and how cool I feel. I practice breathing exercises to regulate my body temperature. I wanna get my mind on nature. But I’m so in my thoughts. I can’t help but think about what all I have to do today. I take some deep breath‘s. Inhale. Exhale. And I feel better. it’s loud out here. I can hear the construction going on in the distance. I see one of my favorite professors. He used to teach an astronomy lecture. What a wise man. I get up and walk around on the steps. The stained white concrete is cold under my feet even though I have shoes on. I pace back-and-forth on the steps looking around from time to time. I wonder if people judge me. I wonder if people think differently of me because I’m out here in the cold. I know I would look at myself crazy. But I kind of enjoy this cold loneliness. I don’t stay out there whole hour. I can’t. Im impatient.
What I found through these two experiences was not information about the world but more information about myself. I found that I am entirely too impatient. I find myself daydreaming quite often. I let my mind take over in situations that I feel are boring or tiresome. I also noticed how unaware I am with my surroundings usually. I love music so much I can’t think of a time of day where I’m not listening to music or have a song stuck in my head. It’s interesting to be out in nature or in a different environment with no music. I think I’ll start to do this more. As far as impatience goes, I think this can be due to the constant stream of information that we all receive. If we are bored with a topic or an interested in a conversation we can easily find something new that we like at least in the technological world. In the natural world you can’t swipe up if you don’t like the scenery. Being in the natural world forces you to live in the moment and see things for what they really are at a grassroots level. Nothing fancy. No sugarcoating. Being in the natural world also shows me that good things take time. I shouldn’t rush my life.