Tamar Gorgadze
Mason Neck State Park has been my holding space for many years. At all stages of life and through many experienced emotions, I have been able to rely on its paths to hold me and walk me through it all. And with a warm drink in hand on a silent and breezy morning, with barely any people in sight, I can settle and be.
Many weeks have passed since I was last here, a treat, especially since I have been doing a terrible job of taking care of myself. An hour here was an escape I needed. I felt calm, and I got the needed time to breathe, to hold a steady pace. As I walk the path, look at the trees, take in the sound of the birds singing their song, and the squirrels bouncing around in the leaves, I can feel my intuition, listen to my body, walk through my thought process and work through neglected feelings. Problem-solving is easy when I feel connected to my intuition, and patterns in my personal life is better observed in nature. Information comes through my body and mind differently than when I am living my life in the rush and built up pressure. When I look around and see all the beauty around me, hear the silence and feel safe, all my worries diminish to a tiny spec, and life priorities shift. Several times, I felt playful. I took the time to sit and observe various plants, danced around and did some workouts, and stopped at a bridge to look up at the trees and catch a bit of the sky peeking through the canopy cover. Creativity and ideas expand. It always feels like coming home, a place where I feel seen.
Later in the evening, I made myself shrimp fajitas and took a “break” to eat and watch a show I started, The Sinner. I need something to watch while I eat, so the main event is eating and gobbling down my food in less than 10 minutes. What now? There are only a handful of shows that can keep me engaged, and even with that, I have moments where I feel compelled to multitask. I would not call it multitasking. Unless I am watching a show or a movie with another individual, I already know what is to come, unfortunately. For the first twenty minutes, I keep my eyes on the TV screen and am interested in the show. A little over 20 minutes into the show, I reached for my phone and started scrolling. First, I checked my Instagram and then my emails, Reddit and Youtube, looking for the next best thing. I then deleted Instagram off my phone, thinking taking this action will keep me from doing the unnecessary and train my brain to focus on the show alone. A failed attempt and an attempt I made many times. Even when I did not find reasons to pick up my phone, my mind wandered, and I started thinking about all my concerns or what I should be doing. After the show ended, I felt an overall feeling of dissatisfaction. Yet, when Netflix displayed a few seconds countdown for the next episode I let the episode play. What is one more episode of feeling misaligned with what I want to get done and putting aside work that would satisfy me?
This exercise allowed me to re-engage in an old habit I had built of walking most mornings on that path at Mason Neck. I greatly benefited from my time out in nature in the past, and the benefit of that practice was clear in my everyday life. Since abandoning this practice, I have missed out on connecting with myself and feeling calmer. One hour in nature also served as a great reminder of how much the outdoors is a place of home for me and the roles it has played in bettering my life and providing a space where I feel understood and heard. Life makes sense out there. Nature provides us with substantial lessons just by being and observing the outdoor environment, my thought process, and connecting the two. The one-hour consuming media demonstrated the loss of a critical skill in our world today, deep focus. I never liked how technology brought with it the inability to be in your present day, plan it as you would like , and live it. The ease of access to the world and others ease of access to you feels like a drag, although it has its benefits. Additionally, I was reminded of the importance of taking time to watch a show without worrying about productivity. At the same time, it likely is a mix of being hard on myself about doing something “unproductive” and that I simply don’t get any pleasure or feeling of reward from watching shows and videos, but that I use it as a tool to distract myself.